Theresa Bonopartis is the Director of Lumina/ Hope & Healing After Abortion, an outreach of Good Counsel Homes. She has been a close friend and Co-worker in our retreats for women and men who are suffering after an
abortion. Her professional expertise, personal witness and experience of God’s unfathomable mercy have made her a powerful instrument of the hope and healing found in Jesus Christ.
Interview with Theresa:
How does your story begin?
I had my abortion in the 70’s, when I was 18. After, I wasn’t the same person. I went through the motions of life, with no desire for anything. I struggled with depression, low self-esteem and suicidal thoughts. Desperate for love, I married a man who abused alcohol and was emotionally and psychologically abusive to me. After the birth of our second son, I knew I didn’t want my
children to live in that environment. One day, when my husband was drinking again, I took the children and walked out the door. I got a job working as a drug and alcohol abuse counselor. So many were coming to me because of their abortions, and I was powerless to help them because I hadn’t even been able to find help for myself. They were hurting, floundering in promiscuity, addictions, more abortions. It was so overwhelming; I burnt out.
When did things begin to change for you?
The time came for my oldest son to make his first confession, and I received a notice that the parents needed to attend a meeting. I was terrified. I had not stepped in to a church in fifteen years; I felt like such a terrible sinner and was sure the walls would fall down on me. Father came into the room and started talking about the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Funny, you think you’re going for the sake of your child, but he was definitely talking to the parents! He started listing particular sins, and I was shocked to hear him say, “God can forgive the sin of abortion.” I thought, “Did I hear him correctly? Is it possible I can really be forgiven of this?”
It was my first inkling of hope. I felt sorry for my children whose mom couldn’t cope with the day to day. I wanted more for the three of us. I called to see if I could talk to that priest. It was terrifying, but again, I was desperate. I went in, and tears still come to my eyes when I remember the compassion I was offered that day. He was the first person to acknowledge what I had gone through. He understood my feelings and the pain. Finally, I was able to go to confession.
Before I left, he gave me a Miraculous Medal of Our Lady. From then on, I started growing in my faith. I began going to daily Mass, spending time before the Blessed Sacrament, and praying the Stations of the Cross. Additionally, I started meeting with a therapist who was experienced in post-abortion counseling. So much healing took place. The wound of abortion is not solely spiritual, but psychological and emotional as well.
One night I was in the midst of despair, but I somehow also felt a deep trust in God. I didn’t want the children to see me crying, so after putting them to bed, I closed myself in the bathroom, crouched on the floor, and repeated over and over, “Jesus, I trust in You.” Hours passed in this anguish. I felt like I had climbed on the cross with Christ. Suddenly, there was a surrender, and a rush of love came over me. I felt His love wash away my sin and I knew my healing was complete. I’ve haven’t felt that hopeless despair of abortion since, only profound love and forgiveness.
How would you explain the journey toward healing?
First, you can’t put it on a time table. No one can begin to look at her abortion until she knows the love and mercy of God, because it’s too terrifying. Healing from abortion is not about us and what we have done; it is about God and what He has done for us. There is a freedom in knowing that I am a sinner, and I have to depend on Him doing it in me. We make up reasons why God can’t heal us. If you’ve had one or 10, if someone forced you, or you chose it, healing is possible because Jesus came and died for our sins. The journey is a unique one for every person, and God is going to work in His own way. He wants to heal everything, not just the abortion itself, but all that led up to it. We have to trust in God and take one day at a time, doing His will even though we may not feel it. He sees. He knows.
What is available for those who are suffering?
First, they can always pick up the phone and call or email. Then, there are Days of Prayer and Healing for women, and a separate one for men to attend. The goal for that day is to give each participant hope that healing is possible. They hear the witness of someone who has gone through it, and are given the opportunity to share their own experience if they want to. We also have monthly gatherings for those who have attended one of the Days. Each month addresses a different issue connected with healing. And there are weekend retreats. It is beautiful to see how the women and men support and encourage one another along the journey.
There is also a Day offered for those who have had an abortion after an adverse prenatal diagnosis. And there is a Day for those whose sibling was aborted. They are able to come together and share the pain and struggles they’ve experienced. People come to find they are not alone, and that others understand them.
Why did you choose “Entering Canaan” as the name of the retreat?
When the Israelites were called out of the slavery of Egypt into the Promised Land, they had a huge journey to make, one filled with many different trials and struggles. But God said, “I’ll be with you all the way.” It’s the same with the journey of healing after abortion. There are interior battles to fight, but He’s with you the whole time. It’s our own journey to the Promised Land, back to God, trusting in that love He has for us. Along the path each person finds peace, renewed joy, and gratitude. You begin to stand in awe of His mercy and generosity. You are made free to realize that you are a beloved child of God, and come to really know and experience that love. All you need is to stay on the road, and take advantage of the supports available.
What has been your greatest joy along the way?
I marvel at God’s mercy. Look at what has come about because of my son. Even though he was never born, look at what he has done, in spite of me! It’s amazing. I’ve been privileged to help countless women and men suffering from abortion’s aftermath. And who taught me how to love? My son. Who brought me back to God? My son. God took this totally horrible thing and used it as the catalyst for so many graces.
What would you say to someone thinking about starting this journey?
You don’t have to stay in this hell. If you fall into despair, even after you’ve been to confession, reject anything that would keep you in that pit, and reclaim the forgiveness you have received. You need to say, “I’m not going to listen to this,” and pick up the phone and talk about it.
We can be so scared of God. We think we are condemned for committing “the unforgivable.” But He is waiting for us. He desires our healing. Seek His forgiveness, and seek your child’s forgiveness. Our children desire our healing too. They want our salvation. God’s desire is for us to be reunited with our children, to reunite us as a family. He longs to give us His love, His mercy, and to make things as they were meant to be. There is nothing to be afraid of because He’s not standing there to condemn. He wants to bring us to His Heart to heal us. With His grace, you will be able to forgive yourself, and in the end, you realize that your child is the very person who brings you to God. My whole life has changed. I entered into life again, instead of walking around like someone who is dead. It is possible! I know what God has done for me. I know He will do the same thing for you. In spite of anything that you feel, your faith isn’t your feelings. There’s no limit to God’s mercy. He can heal you.
Originally printed in IMPRINT Magazine Winter 2011.
